When Did My Self-Pride stop Mattering…?
Having been a Dad for over 4 years now we have built up a pretty massive collection of photo’s, video’s and more importantly memories. Mainly good (well fantastic) and some bad although the bad ones I like to be positive and think that in overcoming them they have intact made us stronger and therefore become good memories.
H and I regularly look back at our photo’s and video’s on my Macbook, mainly as H absolutely adores looking at photo’s when he was little or of his favourite places we have visited, majority of them he remembers and some he enjoys simply listening to me tell him what we did what fun we had, asking questions and developing his knowledge of the environment in the process.
One thing that recently caught my eye though is in those 4 years, my clothes haven’t actually changed, and by that I don’t mean I don’t wash them, I mean I haven’t bothered, maybe considered is a better word, updating them and as such started to feel a little outdated.
Above is just one example of a jumper I’ve had since 2011 and regularly wear, I continue to wear it still now and its still a key player in my wardrobe.
I always considered myself to be a fairly modern Dad, both in a fashion and technology sense and always enjoyed shopping with Mrs F for new clothes, regularly visiting Manchester city centre or the Trafford Centre in our spare time before H came into our lives. Since having kids my priorities have obviously shifted and although we still go clothes shopping, not as regular as before we had children, for obvious reasons… (have you tried shopping with a 4 and 1 year old) but the focus now becomes ensuring both H and D look great and have wardrobes of clothes to wear for varying occasions, events and everyday life, that and enjoying the weekends as a family and not out trapsing round a shopping centre.
Where I used to shop at high street shops (I’ve never been able to justify spending money on top name clothing), I now accept Primark as the bible for any shopping requirements and gasp at the price of something if its over £25 and try and convince myself money would be better spent on other things as a family.
The difficulty is that now I find myself feeling like a sack of spuds at times and notice me wearing the same clothes, weekend in, weekend out… I don’t even think I could string together a couple of outfits for night time if I wanted too. I certainly couldn’t participate in #OOTD (Outfit of the Day) or any other fashion hashtags which do the rounds…. I should possibly consider my own… Sack of Shit of the Day #SoSoTD
When did I become so out of fashion? So stereotypical “Dad” with baggy polo shirts and the odd jumper? Where has my sense of pride in myself gone? I look at my kids and think they look fantastic but now they (well H) is growing up, I don’t want him to think I’m an embarrassing dad for my clothes and “daggyness” but more cos I embarrass him for the kiss I insist on giving him each day before school or the hugs I love giving him just for being him.
I need to get back on to point, I need an update and I need to stop focusing on the costs and more on the fact I am losing my identity as a result of focusing on other things instead. Our babies are our lives and we live all other parents are no different in that we want the absolute best for them, but in focusing too much on that, I have lost the pride I had in myself.
Maybe I’m using the children as a smoke screen and have just settled for me being me but I have really got to be in control of my own actions and over the coming weeks and months I need to step back into gear, quit with the crap I eat, start exercising and start updating that moth ridden / dusty / old wardrobe. This is my official and public ass kicking and a promise to not only my children but to Mrs F too. Self reflection is a wonderful thing and although I feel better for penning this, the real result will be the action I take.
Time is precious and making sure you enjoy every minute of it both in yourself and those around you is whats important.
I’ll keep you updated….
Until next time