Dad Cave, Parenting

The Trouble with…. Toilets

The Trouble With

This editions “The Trouble with…” series I discuss the trouble with toilets from a boy/male point of view…. so if you have a clean mind, you might want to stop reading now.

I approach this subject with extreme caution as I’m sure its bound to cause a divide… However its becoming a little bit of a reoccurring issue in our house and Mrs F obviously doesn’t understand the perils of having a stand up pee……Pee on or around the toilet seat.


H is 4 now so its no surprise we have vastly moved on from his beloved BabyBjorn Potty (or throne due to its high back) and as a result the need to have to empty the potty every time he needs it has thankfully gone.

However, being a boy, he feels the need to copy Daddy and stand up. There are three immediate issues here:

  1. He is slightly on the short side so is only just above “toilet level” (H not me by the way)
  2. He’s not the best at washing his hands and therefore decides that if he doesn’t hold his winkle he doesn’t need to wash his hands (quite clever really)
  3. He sometimes forgets the need to put the toilet seat up

These are the main/current factors which cause him to pee on the toilet seat. Where as I sympathise with him, (being a man) Mrs F isn’t particularly happy for obvious reasons.


Toilets aren’t, in my opinion, made for a male and as such other than having a sit down pee, which for me feels weird unless I’m ridiculously tired/drunk (very similar obvs) and despite me trying my hardest, “splash back” will always be a problem… there are also other excuses which I’m sure I’ve used over time, these
include but certainly not limited to:

  1. double spray (not apparent until its too late)
  2. sprinkler head on
  3. drunk
  4. morning wood
  5. afternoon wood
  6. evening wood
  7. wood
  8. trying to bend it like Beckham
  9. sword fights – when two (or more) pee at the same time, sometimes known as crossing proton beems. Frowned upon as you grow older but great fun as kids 😉

Granted 4,5,6 and 7 can be countered by the bending over / right angle technique but you are then closer to the porcelain pot and risk splash back in the face but on the whole, these are things which can’t be avoided.


Now I’m not saying I think pee on the floor is acceptable, it isn’t! I’m not a slob by any means and I feel sick when I go in a toilet to find a puddle of liquid on the floor but I have to stick up for little H that its tough learning to make sure it all goes in the bowl….


pee on the toilet seatHe’ll get there I’m sure…. as for me… the list above may be used from time to time but equally I do make sure I clean up any mishaps and our toilet is armed with plenty of products to do so… I wish I could invent a toilet which doesn’t splash back though as I’m not sure Mrs F would appreciate a urinal installed in the OneDadOneBlog house.


Does anyone have any tips on how to ensure it all stays in, or additional reasons it doesn’t… feel free to leave them in the comments below 🙂

Until Next Time…

Jim (and H 🙂 )



Life with Baby Kicks