Its been over five years now, where does time go? So much has happened, and I have so much to tell you but I wish I didn’t have to, I wish you could see it all for yourself instead and share it with me.
I know you told me not to be scared, but the truth is I still am, I’m scared I won’t make the impact you have on me. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you, think of memories we shared, think of how things would have been that much more special if you were still here.
H is 5 now, can you believe that the growing boy inside Mrs F before we said goodbye would be well into School life now, turning out to be a kind, gentle, loving and fun little person. Just like the stories you once use to remind me of when I was growing up, he also loves putting on shows, singing songs (not the Cliff Richard variety like I did – god bless Mistletoe and Wine) and expressing a different side to his initial shyness. We are so so proud of him already and I know if you would have met him you would see yourself in him, just like I do. One thing that makes me well up though is how much his loves his sister, D.
D’s nearly two now, her birthday is in your month too, and she’s a completely different kettle of fish to H but equally amazing too. She’s tells it like it is already, Miss Independent, knowing exactly what she wants and she isn’t afraid to show you either. Her confidence comes in bundles and she’s definitely going to be trouble as she gets older. Having to do her hair though is probably the toughest experience as a parent, and I’m only talking about what clip, bobble or bow to choose. She loves her brother loads though and the feeling is mutual, looking back in the car and seeing them holding hands, or those moments where they don’t know you’re watching them and seeing them interact are priceless and makes my heart melt. As we move into her toddler years I can’t wait to see their relationship develop more… I just wish you could too 🙁
It’s Fathers Day this Sunday, and truth be told I can’t stop thinking of you, hoping you could just see our family for one last time or speak on the phone to me as we did on a daily basis, even if it was just to talk about football, I’d tell you how our team, Leicester City, against all odds, won the Premiership. I miss speaking to you and having you give me the advice and guidance you always used to. I miss you Dad and whilst many lucky people will be sending their Dads cards and rubbish gifts (yeah, sorry about the standard Black Magic chocolates I bought you on a yearly basis), I’ll be thinking of you as I do every other day of the year.
Life really is unfair at times but I hope you are at peace and looking over all of us.
I hope I make you proud Dad and I hope I make the impact you made on me, I promise to keep you and our memories alive even if they do hurt from time to time.
I love you…